It’s no secret: season seven of Vanderpump Rules has been a total snore. The reason, in my opinion, is that the entire cast has iced out James, previously included because of his friendship with Lala. If you’ve read my blog before, than you probably already know how I feel about James Kennedy, so I won’t go too far into detail on that one. But without James, we not only lose a comedic voice and functioning alcoholic, but we also lose one Raquel Leviss, whose voice sounds like it’s been marinating in Xanax for the past five years. And that’s a goddamn shame.
A former pageant queen and current Bambi-eyed bitch, Raquel is almost as unintentionally funny as her partner. Recently, we learned that she doesn’t know who Charles Manson is. On the finale episode, she said “Women today are so involved in the workforce” like that’s new information. And she’s repeatedly refused to believe that James has cheated on her, even when shown physical and photo evidence. It’s that kind of blind loyalty that would make her an excellent Secretary for the Department of Education, if that position became available.
It’s a running theme on Vanderpump Rules that Raquel is an idiot, something everyone can agree on like that the traffic in L.A sucks. But after a recent viewing of Raquel’s Instagram, I was struck by a question that would shake me to my core.
Is Raquel Leviss a secret genius?
The first thing that makes me think that Raquel is a genius is her relationship with James. It’s very clear that she doesn’t actually like James and is using him to get on the show. That makes sense, as she’s a kinesiology major who’s idea of having fun is a puppy shower and he’s a child of alcoholics DJ who will do anything to feel loved. What do they have to talk about?
At first, James and Raquel’s relationship made sense; he had his emotionally (and possibly physically) fulfilling relationship with Logan, while she was at Sonoma State most of the time, an effective beard. But when the two started living together, it became even more clear that their relationship is a sham.
Once I figured out that Raquel was using James, I found even more evidence that she’s a secret genius. After Lala called her a Bambi-eyed bitch, she got a jacket with Bambi on it, sporting it at Coachella. It’s sort of like how the gay community took back the word queer, except completely inconsequential.
Next, she wore this insane look to the reunion. Sure, she looks like the baking section of Michael’s Crafts exploded on her arms, but we’re all talking about it now, and isn’t that kind of the point?
Then she got a job at SUR, creating a reason for the producers to keep her on next season. This was a huge step up from her former role as a volunteer at Vanderpump Dogs, which did not get the attention it deserved.
And that brings me to another lady who the whole world called stupid…until she made $200 million off of a mobile game.
All I’m saying is, don’t underestimate Raquel Leviss. Sure, she may seem like an airhead with no self-respect, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she has been the one duping us the whole time.